jen is aware of this entry.
i had this in my draft, did some editing & here goes !

how i nearly lost her and how i got us back to where we used to be.
i tink its gotta be a nice entry – something for everyone to learn, sorry. for ME to learn. *little smile

we go all d way back, 7 years.
lotsa effort in maintaining this friendship, daily morning sms from me to her, daily call between us, and meet up at least once a week.

like she said, this year was a eventful year for us.

i fight monsters for her. i protect her like she’s my sister. but it all changed..

i was hurted by her remarks.
lookin back, its just a remark but it took me like 3 mths to get over it.
those 3 mths we talked, we met, but it just felt different.
i shut-off, i just close my mind of her.
but all these while, i miss tokin to her, i miss having someone to laugh at my silly jokes, i miss doin housechore with her, i miss watchin bimbotic taiwan series, i miss spending time with her, i miss sittin at her dinin table & waitin for mr wong to buy us hokkien mee. i miss having a friend (shit ! so les)

instead of cherishing our friendship, i kept the anger in me. i kept feelin the hurt inside me.
no matter how hard i try. trust me – i did try.. !
i just cant bring myself to ‘forgive’ her.
i just cant imagine my friend, the person closest to me.. ask me sucha silly qn.
ouch..its hurt.. and she aware of how much i’m hurting.

after nearly 3 mths, i decided, i cant let this feeling carried on inside me. it turning me into someone i am not. i dislike this heavy burden, its killin me.
most impt, i really dislike this, this anger. it goes against my DNA ! haha, amazed i could be like that for almost 3 mths.

picked up the little ten rules book and re-read.

pointers:

‘anger. they focus so intently on their negative feelin tat they are blind to the power of forgiveness and release’ – yes. i’m completely blinded by my anger. i was furious at her.

‘courage is learned in the moment tat you take a leap of faith and take action’ – i took a leap of faith. the day she msn me ‘our talk time went down’ (we are both m1 users which allow us to talk to each other for free) i called her that very night and i started sharing. god. i miss that. i miss having someone who listens to me and most impt agrees with me.

‘what fears stand in ur way? bring them to light so you can loosen their hold over you. fears real or imagined, only impede you. banish them so tat you may lean the lesson of courage and create the life you desire’ – i swear this sentence is meant for me.i have too much imagined fear that is stoppin me from being who i want to be.

alritey. so, i took a leap of faith, i banished my fears – and all is right with my world.
she’s back in my life and indeed i am happier.
i’m sorry. it took me so long.
i guess, as humans. we all need to take time off to mend some wound.

jen is continously amazed by my thinking and action.
well, let just say it not easy yet its expected of me and im sorry some wound take longer time den others.

i’m glad tat she didnt give up on our friendship and on me, giving me the time to mend myself, bring myself around.

‘stay and you might find something’

our friendship is indeed what we both wanted – strong and still going strong. must be the chicken blood ! haha
my dear, welcome back to the wee’s family ! everyone feel better having you with me !

G