‘when you don’t know where you are headed, you find places no one else would ever think to explore’

– extract from a book.
G

chattin with jen and woah, this jump into my head.

the idea: i’m gotta give her a huge surprise.

condition: she is able to move on..

duration: unlimited.

the surprise: no idea! chey ! but knowing myself, it will be something fun, interesting, huge all blend into one.

gimme time and i will think of something, creativity being my middle name.
well, i got alot of time to plan for it and i’m not gotta hurry.. coz she not in a hurry to move on.

jen – hope this wish of mine will come true and i am able to ‘reward’ or ‘encourage’ you with something.
-G

Love, Faith, Hope – greatest of all … Love
chance upon this phrase recently.

love and hope comes easily to me but not faith.

i’m old enough to know that humans aint perfect, thats why some place their faith in god.
i cant.

not trying to argue my point, but simply felt tat as human – god’s creation, we aint prefect, how do we know HE is prefect.
ultimately, how do you believe in something you cant see.
ms chan sum it up, ‘its personal experience’
she is right.

*shake head, followed by a little smile.

personal experience taught me to believe in myself.  i wont fail myself. woah, sound like i worship myself. haha

gee, i do have faith, afterall.

in summary:

i’m not anti-christ or anything. you know, i don’t blog abt chim topics.
with enough love and hope,  i’ll get back my faith. someday. 🙂

__________________________________________________________________________________________________

part 2:
actually, my take is – the greatest of all is faith
i must have enough faith to love someone, i need to have enough faith to have hope, faith to have faith.

yet i knew, this isnt right-right.
so, i tok to jie abt it.

haha we had our very first bible study, with she readin from the bible and explainin to me while i munch on the cereals.

the greatest of all is love.
i’m convinced.

side-track :
interesting.
its written in one of my books – hate has rights, love has none.
pple protest abt this and that, coz they are filled with hate.
but i believe love can do so much more. :p

G

yum ! G

movie-d with mr lee.
hungry. we had cheesy hotdog.

whatsup?

the auntie prepared our hotdog bun and we saw her adding a layer of cheese to our hot dog, aka the cheese for nachos.. !
we tot the cheese was inside the hotdog.

frown.
it gotta be messy.

mr lee finished his hotdog bun.
i was hungry but i gave up on my bun, no intention of making a mess out of myself.

conclusion: pple dont eat eng wah’s cheesy hotdog !

this wasn’t the worst hotdog bun i had.
the champ goes to vincent and me !

part time job at cathay.
we shared a hotdog.
greedy us – added mustard, bbq sauce, chilli, ketchup.

gross but the nicest hotdog bun.
after nearly 10 years of friendship, we still toked abt the mean hotdog and laugh our head off ! 🙂
G.

< everything i need, nothing i dont >

*purr
*let out a contented sigh.

i’m at a stage of my life when i’m simply contented, with life.
nice feeling.

i wish i could hold on to this feeling.
but i know, i cant.

it’s life.
you cant stay at the same spot forever, i wish i could though.

*wishful smile

i think its nice to look at what you have (once awhile) instead of chasing after what you dont have. agree?
there’s nothing i wanted at the moment, okie except slp. haha !

meanwhile, i soaked myself silly in this blissful stage.
thank you.
– G

not look at me-me lah.
look at my blog !!
awesome?!

5 mths and i need a change.
add & remove some stuff
exciting !

love the colour – comfy, laid back, me.
absolutely adore the new look.
so – me.

the new theme: arclite
the old theme: pixeled, RIP after 5 mths. keke

G

jen is aware of this entry.
i had this in my draft, did some editing & here goes !

how i nearly lost her and how i got us back to where we used to be.
i tink its gotta be a nice entry – something for everyone to learn, sorry. for ME to learn. *little smile

we go all d way back, 7 years.
lotsa effort in maintaining this friendship, daily morning sms from me to her, daily call between us, and meet up at least once a week.

like she said, this year was a eventful year for us.

i fight monsters for her. i protect her like she’s my sister. but it all changed..

i was hurted by her remarks.
lookin back, its just a remark but it took me like 3 mths to get over it.
those 3 mths we talked, we met, but it just felt different.
i shut-off, i just close my mind of her.
but all these while, i miss tokin to her, i miss having someone to laugh at my silly jokes, i miss doin housechore with her, i miss watchin bimbotic taiwan series, i miss spending time with her, i miss sittin at her dinin table & waitin for mr wong to buy us hokkien mee. i miss having a friend (shit ! so les)

instead of cherishing our friendship, i kept the anger in me. i kept feelin the hurt inside me.
no matter how hard i try. trust me – i did try.. !
i just cant bring myself to ‘forgive’ her.
i just cant imagine my friend, the person closest to me.. ask me sucha silly qn.
ouch..its hurt.. and she aware of how much i’m hurting.

after nearly 3 mths, i decided, i cant let this feeling carried on inside me. it turning me into someone i am not. i dislike this heavy burden, its killin me.
most impt, i really dislike this, this anger. it goes against my DNA ! haha, amazed i could be like that for almost 3 mths.

picked up the little ten rules book and re-read.

pointers:

‘anger. they focus so intently on their negative feelin tat they are blind to the power of forgiveness and release’ – yes. i’m completely blinded by my anger. i was furious at her.

‘courage is learned in the moment tat you take a leap of faith and take action’ – i took a leap of faith. the day she msn me ‘our talk time went down’ (we are both m1 users which allow us to talk to each other for free) i called her that very night and i started sharing. god. i miss that. i miss having someone who listens to me and most impt agrees with me.

‘what fears stand in ur way? bring them to light so you can loosen their hold over you. fears real or imagined, only impede you. banish them so tat you may lean the lesson of courage and create the life you desire’ – i swear this sentence is meant for me.i have too much imagined fear that is stoppin me from being who i want to be.

alritey. so, i took a leap of faith, i banished my fears – and all is right with my world.
she’s back in my life and indeed i am happier.
i’m sorry. it took me so long.
i guess, as humans. we all need to take time off to mend some wound.

jen is continously amazed by my thinking and action.
well, let just say it not easy yet its expected of me and im sorry some wound take longer time den others.

i’m glad tat she didnt give up on our friendship and on me, giving me the time to mend myself, bring myself around.

‘stay and you might find something’

our friendship is indeed what we both wanted – strong and still going strong. must be the chicken blood ! haha
my dear, welcome back to the wee’s family ! everyone feel better having you with me !

G

what’s my dream?

it started out as a wild idea, those dont be silly, it’s impossible!

you? i mean, me?! with my chara ?!

i wanted to go away for a year. work at a little restaurant or something, know some friends, explore the place before returning home. it donest matter if i earn peanuts, the point is to go away, experience something different before coming home.

stupid dream but when i asked myself – why izzit stupid? as much as i wanted to be the norm, i cant. i find myself standing outside sometimes. and since, i cant be the norm, do something totally different den. crave a life for myself, at least i have something to look back on.

of coz, i cant go away now. whats with work & school. but i keep the dream, safe with me. someday.

G.

met guy (yeap, i feel werid if i called him damien) today & we decided to go prawing !

nice that he choosen a spot where there’s a fan. yeap, hot weather & me dont go very well.

3 hrs = $30
you dont have to use all 3 hrs, can keep it for further use.

started & he caught two.
i was just sittin by & not doin anything, okie i was njoyin 98.7 but thats abt it.

we swap location.  dude beside us is gettin closer to us.
tried our luck again.

the staff swing by and gave us some useful tips.
and its work. well, it boils down to location, location, location.
we’re at the right spot !
the clue: the prawns loved to parked themselves near the pipe. hehe

tips#2 – be patience.
dont be overexcited and pull up the rod imm, wait abt 10sec and slowly bring it to the surface.

oooh, this is when things started to get fun.
hehe we caught abt 12 prawns. poor guy had to battle with the prawn after each catch. and of coz, being the lady, i did notink to help. haha wat can i do? either he got bitten by the prawn or me. of coz him lah. i aldy mentioned it not easy bein my frd. keke !

he wants me to bring the prawns home and i found it inhuman to simply freeze the prawn to death.
so cruel.
and yeap, like mother, like daughter – my mummy think tat it super cruel. still, mummy had to do it. well, someone had to !

i cant wait to consume them tomorrow. evil laugh.

note: sorry, no photos 🙁 it was a okie, let go prawning. left my camera at home. ugh !

G.