reluctant to blog abt this. izzit wise for me to blog abt it?
maybe.. yes.
bothered and still bothering me.

the below entry is for me, myself and i.
have i forgive myself? no. not really.
am i being over-responsible? yes.
am i bo liao? superbly yes.

it have been 2 years, or izzit 3.

a close friend of mine gotta pregnant.
im one of those few selective pple who knows abt it.

she seek for my advise, being the older between us. i tried to give her the right advise, which is to keep the baby. i am very sure, she will regret if she opt for abortion. i don’t want that.

(pls note, i never gotta pregnant lah. logically thinkin, you will regret losing the baby. think abt it – how often you hear pple goes, i am so glad i had abortion ! )

back to her story:
i even went as far as begging her to keep the baby, offered to bring up her baby, until she is ready to have the baby back.

*laugh at the absurdity

i was only 25 den. what do i know abt baby?! i wasn’t married, its not my baby, she’s not even a relative! yet it make prefect sense. i am willing to go that far, so that she don’t live in regret.. coz as tiny as it is, it’s a life. it is my responsibilities to change her mind, most importantly, she places her trust and judgment in me.

i failed.

the baby is gone.
a piece of her is gone.
a little piece of me is gone.

each december, i will asked myself ‘minying, why didn’t you try harder to fight for the baby’s life?’

but, what else could i do..?
.. so much more.

girl, if you are reading. i am sorry. for letting you down. *hug and take care.

ying.