talk abt goin clubbin for some time. we did, yesterday.

double o

entrance: $15  (couldnt believe it!)
drinks: $5 a bottle or $12 a jug (are these guys for real?)
music: you named it, they got it.

fyi – i dont drink, i love to dance though. hey ! i’m not a dancing queen, i dont dance on the stage or do any of the coordinated stuff.

we used to dance like 2-3 times a week. man, those were the days.
9 years later, same dancing partner (jen!) same club, same music (retro stuff), same cheap drinks. haha !

seriously, i dont look like 21. its written all over my face that i am 27!

hence, it become seriously funny when i got approached by 3 guys. one of them really wanted my contact. whatsup?!

second guy shouted at me over the loud music:
he: ‘hi i’m henry’
hand-shake.

he: ‘your name?’
no answer. polite smile.

he: ‘first time here?’
i nodded. seriously, my headache was killing me den. i’m not in the mood to shout.

he: ‘really? first time?’
another polite smile from me.

he: ‘you dont really tok’
another polite smile.
duh. no, i love to tok. i love to hold conversation right in front of 3 speakers with lady gaga teachin us how to do poker face.

whatsup?!
finally. he gotta the hint and leave me alone.

3rd guy try to engaged me in a conversation by typing msg on his cell. ahh.. ! cant pple just leave me alone?

3am.
i cant take it anymore. told jen. i really need to go home.
came out of the club, half deaf. hop into a taxi, listening to class 95.
can someone stop the little construction in my head? the non-stop banging is killing me. tried very hard not to move my head.

2 panadol.
quick shower.
tucked myself in.
ah.

27 years old groove.

fairy godmother took ‘some time off’ recently, wasnt online for days.

busy at work, and had to settle some personal problem.
honesty speaking, i havent be happy.
i dislike indecisive, i dislike being unhappy.
i dislike the feelin of walkin around with a heavy heart.

boo msg me one of d days asking what happen to me?
i replied according.
boo goes ‘take care okie. king (king aka boo) misses fairy. chat ya soon’
i replied ‘fairy miss normality.. take care too’

that, ppl. was a wake-up call.
still, i went to bed. feeling upset that i am upset.
things just dont feel right.

the next day, boo msn me ‘what do you want?’
my immediate reply: to be happy.

sucha simple statement. sucha complicated task.

i miss normality. i miss lame-ing with boo. i miss chattin with jen abt nothing. i miss whining with guy. i miss being me. i miss being happy.

complicated but achievable task.
impossible is nothing. :p

of coz i’m back to normal. otherwise you wont be readin this entry !

thank you jen & guy for the endless advise.
thank you boo for the wake up call.

happy groovy.

someone told me recently – i am interesting.

me: no, i’m not. its pple around me who are interesting, like you ! thats why i ended up with lotsa funny stories.

i do have my own school of tots, strange actions, fussy demands, unusual traits, stupid stunts. other den the above, i am as boring as abc. hehe !

boring groove.

read: the differences between us  – 07th may.

familiar face and i. we are still pretending to be strangers.

until…recently. dinner with guy.

we walked into the restaurant, warmly greeted by one of the staff.
guy gave me a ‘u-noe-her-look?’

no i dont. *shrug. maybe i am regular?

took our food, head back to our table. surprised to realised guy didnt follow me. he’s still lookin at the food. okie lor. sat by myself and auto day-dream.

suddenly, familiar face appeared and he goes ‘hello, do u remember me?’
‘erm, no. not really.’
‘your classmates, fiona batch.’
‘okie, hi.’
smiles exchange.
he walked away.

guy came back.
‘guy! familiar face finally tok to  me!’

food were served, food were consumed, conversation flows and guy asked me, ‘are you sure he tok to u? now he is pretending to be a stranger again.’

‘yeap, how come? he did tok and smile at me. must be YOU, bcoz of u, familiar face is scared to tok to me! he’s so scared, he gotta pretend he dont even noe me’

haha ! duh ! what’s wrong?!
my dear bff dont bite, he does howl. 🙂
*jokin !

groove.

dinner with guy @ crystal jade.

him: the duck look good hor?
me: yeap. wanna order?
him: no, u dont eat duck.
me: lets give it a try.
him: but u dont eat duck.
me: no, i agreed. lets order. looks good.
him: okie, u gotta eat at least 3 piece.
me: alritey.

we did and god, it was awful,  waste monies, haha !

1) remind me to stay away from duck.
2) picture are deceiving.

love is suppose to be following your heart ?

right.
the feeling is right, you feel comfortable. you give it a try.

wrong.
feelings is impt BUT there’s still lotsa factors to consider.

well, maybe i grown smarter in the ways of the heart.
which is NOT following my heart. haha !
get rid of emotion:
see, evaluate, think, seek advise, plenty of time.
see, evaluate, think, seek advise, plenty of time. repeat like 2000 times.
hopefully i make a decision by age 35 ! keke

*joking

let me state my stand – i’m a firm believer that at any moment, a person can start over. it donest matter how long you have been with a person, whether you are emotionally-attached. there is always a choice.
the question is – are you brave?

*smile

who i am, and wat i am capbale of doin, has always managed to surprise me (and guy!) 🙂

groove.

your guardian angel:

something about you:

nice. 🙂

from guy (of coz!)
he love throwing qns at me.
and i love answering them. keke

there’s no right or wrong.

train story
there’s a bunch of kids (7-8 kids) playing on the train track. 1 little boy went over to them ‘hey, dont play here, it’s dangerous’ the bunch of kids ignored the little boy and continue playing. the little boy decided to play by himself beside the train truck.

a train approach. their fate are in your hand.

1) to stop the train, but resulting in the train goin off-track hence killing the little boy or
2) let the train go, kill 7-8 kids but the little boy is safe.

what would be your choice?

i choose (1) little boy dies. its unfair, he followed the rules but still end up dead. i choose to let the little boy go coz i cant live with 7-8 kids death. 1 via 7 death. i opt for the majority. i cant live in regret.

it’s a probability game as well. 8 kids – maybe 2 become doc, 2 teachers, 4 screwed-up. hey, i still saved 4 out of 8. not bad.

2012
the world is ending in 2012 and you are pregnant.

will you keep the baby knowing the world is gotta end?

i will.
abortion is out. i rather have the 3 years of memories, love, joy versus sadness, regret, remorse.
thank god, the baby will be too young to understand how selfish i am.

G.

‘what is love?’

he asked. or was it a sentence?
i cant tell the difference.

*pause

realised, i dunno what is love either.

groove’s reply:
‘love is suppose to make u happy’

and the next tot – okie, i’m gotta blog abt this. haha !

looking through some of the little notes i’ve accumulated over the years, i found this:
– but love wasnt abt sacrifice, and it wasnt abt fallin short of someone’s expectations. by definition, love made you better den good enough; it defined perfection to include your traits, instead of excluding them.
– its not doing whatever the person you care for expects of you. its doing what they dont expect. its going above and beyond what you’ve been asked

– extracted from my books.

its easy for me to list out the kind of love between parent – kids, friends, but its tough for me to define the love between couples.

its effortless to define what love is when you are in a r/s but try doing it when you are single. its a different ball game altogether.

in my words?
– love comes in a package.
you experience sweetness, bitterness, anger, jealously, happiness, nervous, silly-ness, confusion, sadness, etc all at the same time.
– love comes in unexpected package.
i find love in places or in pple i didn’t expect.
– love is love.
i suppose you know it when a person have the ability to stop you in your track, to make you grin from ear to ear, when a person bothers you enough to keep you from sleeping, when the world suddenly seems brighter or darker, when you feel complete or incomplete..

as much as i njoy singlehood, i wanted a r/s too.
i reached a stage of my life where i have everything – good health, family, friends, i love my work, school, comfort-ability with myself, with being single.
life is full.
so, maybe i wanna explore the possibility of having a r/s.
like i mentioned – i am okie by myself, i am okie if there isnt anyone.
maybe, i wanna push my ‘life is full’ to ‘life is superb’

but, ultimately, we all want that – a relationship.
this need to connect with another human is simply in-build in us.
everyone wanna experience love and be loved.
and yes, this is what i am seeking for.

next interesting non-related tots:
‘what if it turns out that a life isnt defined by who you belong to or where you came from, by what you wished for or whom you’ve lost, but instead by the moments you spend getting from each of these places to the next?’

that is the reason why i am positive, why i try to have a happy life, why i refused to be beaten down by life, why even when i am sad, i refuse to let the sadness linger, why i appreciate the little things in life, why i always managed to pick myself up, why happiness matters alot to me.

moments mattered, and not occasions.

*knock knock

silly me. carried away by my tots. are you still there? 🙂

thank you for reading my bullshit, again.

groove – i dont live for love, i live for happiness.

superpoke! – guy text me

congrats ! u just be de-friend ! – groove
(is that sucha word ‘defriend’ keke ! )

whatsup?!

even though i disliked being superpoke. his sms got me laughin.

he just teasing me lah !

rewind:
i told him recently that i hope no one poke me at facebook. okie, maybe i dunno d meaning behind it? smt like nudge ? anyway, i just dont like it,  and whoever did it to me shall be ‘de-friend’

i dont like being poke, i dont join pple’s mafia war, nor do i play quizzes or something. nothing at all. i dont even log in often..

the logical qn being – why do i own a facebook acct? haha ! i dont know. i’m strange that way.

back to our sms:
i went on to reply him (punch!) and no, i tot of smt better (slap!)

groove ‘dead’ by superpoke. 🙂

note: (slap!) is a upcoming blog entry. hehe